The Biggest Texting Mistakes That Kill Attraction (Stop Doing These Now)

What's up guys? Landon here from Dating Strats, and today we're diving into one of the biggest saboteurs of modern dating success: terrible texting habits.

I can't tell you how many guys reach out to me saying "The conversation was going great, then she just stopped responding" or "I don't know what I did wrong - we matched, talked for a few days, then nothing."

Nine times out of ten, when I look at their text conversations, I can pinpoint exactly where they went wrong. The brutal truth is that most guys are unknowingly destroying attraction through their texting habits before they even get a chance to meet up.

After analyzing hundreds of failed text conversations and studying what actually works, I've identified the biggest texting mistakes that kill attraction faster than you can say "left on read." If you're making any of these mistakes, stop immediately. Your dating life depends on it.

The Psychology of Texting Attraction

Before we dive into the mistakes, let's understand what's happening psychologically when you text someone you're dating.

Texting reveals your personality, confidence level, and emotional intelligence more than any other form of digital communication. Every message you send either builds attraction or chips away at it. There's no neutral ground.

Women use your texting style to assess:

• Your confidence level - Are you secure or needy?
• Your emotional intelligence - Can you read social cues?
• Your communication skills - Are you engaging or boring?
• Your availability - Are you busy with an interesting life or desperately waiting by your phone?
• Your long-term potential - Do they want to keep talking to you?

As one dating expert puts it: "Think of text messages as things that 'spark joy' - little ways to elicit an emotion, rather than as a substitute for a real life conversation."

The key insight: Attraction isn't built through perfect grammar or clever lines - it's built through demonstrating the right mindset and energy.

Mistake #1: Over-Texting and Killing the Mystery

This is the absolute biggest attraction killer, and most guys don't even realize they're doing it.

The mistake: Texting too much, too often, responding instantly to every message, and carrying on marathon text conversations that last for hours or days.

Why it kills attraction: "Women love mysterious men and when you're constantly contacting her through text, you're filling in all the blanks for her without you even realizing it."

What happens:

• You remove all mystery and intrigue
• She feels like she already "knows" you without meeting
• You appear to have nothing else going on in your life
• The chase element disappears completely

The fix: "You need to end it as soon as you find a good excuse to. The longer you text, the closer you get to the edge of the attraction cliff. The real game is played on a real date."

Keep text conversations short and purposeful. End them while they're still fun and leave her wanting more.

Mistake #2: The Dreaded Double (Triple, Quadruple) Text

The mistake: Sending multiple messages before she responds, especially when they're needy or accusatory.

Examples of what NOT to do:

• "Hey"
• "Did you see my message?"
• "Hello?"
• "I guess you're not interested..."

Why it kills attraction: "Because it comes across as you being needy, which is the most universally unattractive trait a man can have!"

The psychology: You're communicating that you're dependent on her response to feel okay, which signals emotional neediness and insecurity.

When double texting is acceptable:

• Confirming date logistics: "Hey, just confirming we're still on for 7 PM tonight at Mario's?"
• Time-sensitive information: "The restaurant is closed - should we meet at the coffee shop next door instead?"
• Adding to your previous thought within a reasonable timeframe

The fix: "The time you want to wait for double texting depends on the kind of relationship you have. Roughly speaking: the less you know her, the longer you wait."

Send one message, then wait. If it's truly urgent, wait at least a few hours before sending a follow-up.

Mistake #3: Grammar and Spelling Disasters

The mistake: Sending texts full of spelling errors, no punctuation, or terrible grammar.

Why it matters: "Nearly half of the 9,000 singles polled (48 percent) consider grammar to be a deal breaker in online dating."

The brutal stats:

• 72% of people are turned off by spelling errors
• 65% of women would let grammar affect their dating decision
• Using "alot" instead of "a lot" decreases response rates by 12%
• 27% think poor grammar means you're "lazy" or "just don't care"

Common mistakes that kill attraction:

• "ur so beautiful"
• "wat r u doing 2nite"
• "alot of ppl think ur awsome"
• Messages with no punctuation or capitalization

The good news: "Response rates to first messages sent with an exclamation point are 10 percent higher than ones without any punctuation."

The fix: Proofread before you send. Use proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar. It shows you care about how you present yourself.

Mistake #4: Being the "Entertain Me" Machine

The mistake: Asking boring, interview-style questions that show zero personality and make her feel like she's filling out a questionnaire.

Examples of attraction-killing texts:

• "How was your day?"
• "What are you up to?"
• "What kind of music do you like?"
• "How's work going?"

Why it kills attraction: "This is what happens when people treat texting as an 'entertain me' machine. Instead of giving any value, insight, or fun, they simply ask one-note questions that show zero personality and make other people feel bored just looking at them."

The fix: Use texts to express personality and create emotion. Instead of "How was your day?" try "I just watched Stranger Things and now I'm pretty sure there are monsters in my house! Also, now I feel like being a kid and going on an adventure, any ideas? 😉"

Mistake #5: Oversharing and TMI Syndrome

The mistake: Treating texts like a personal diary and sharing too much personal information, complaints, or boring details about your life.

Examples of what NOT to share:

• Play-by-play of your entire day
• Complaints about work, family, or life
• Health issues or personal problems
• Boring logistics unless necessary

Why it kills attraction: "She probably doesn't care about a play-by-play of your day. Unless you can make a joke from it or use it to ask her a question about herself — save it for the date."

The fix: Keep messages concise and engaging. Share experiences that are interesting, funny, or relevant to her interests. Save the deep conversations for in-person dates.

Mistake #6: Response Time Disasters

The mistake: Either responding too quickly (appearing desperate) or playing games by waiting too long (appearing disinterested).

The over-eager approach: Responding within seconds to every message, no matter what you're doing.

The game-playing approach: Deliberately waiting hours or days to respond because you think it makes you look "cool."

Why both kill attraction: "Replying instantly in this case just shows how desperate you are in seeing her text" while waiting too long can make you seem uninterested or playing games.

The fix: "Match the amount of time they make you wait." Respond when you can naturally, but don't drop everything to text back immediately. Live your life first, text second.

Mistake #7: Killing Flirtation and Compliments

The mistake: Deflecting compliments or shutting down flirtatious energy instead of building on it.

Example scenario: She texts: "You looked really good in that photo 😍"

Attraction-killing responses:

• "Lol don't be silly"
• "Thanks I guess"
• "Really? I hate that photo"

Why it kills attraction: "In that moment you KILLED THEIR FLIRTATION – and this is one of the biggest text messaging mistakes you can make in the early dating stage."

The fix: Accept compliments gracefully and build on the flirtatious energy. Better response: "Thank you! I was hoping you'd notice 😏"

Mistake #8: The Apology Spiral

The mistake: Constantly apologizing for taking time to respond, for your messages, or for normal human behavior.

Examples:

• "Sorry for the late response"
• "Sorry if that was weird"
• "Sorry for texting you"

Why it kills attraction: "Stop saying sorry for taking time to text back — you did nothing wrong. You barely know each other and you aren't obligated to explain yourself. It comes off awkward and like you need to make sure she likes you."

The fix: Stop apologizing for normal behavior. You don't need her approval for living your life.

Mistake #9: Texting Instead of Dating

The mistake: Carrying on long text relationships without ever pushing for an in-person meeting.

Why it kills attraction: "The window of opportunity closes with each passing day. The truth is you're scared of hearing the potential rejection. But women make up their minds quickly. She already knows her answer and you're just delaying the inevitable."

The psychology: You think you're building a stronger connection, but you're actually giving her time to lose interest or find someone who will actually ask her out.

The fix: Ask for a date within the first few days of messaging. "Assume she wants to see you unless she states otherwise. Women want men who lead and take charge."

Mistake #10: Matching Her Low Energy

The mistake: When she sends low-effort responses, you mirror that energy instead of leading the conversation.

Example: She sends "hi" and you respond with "hey what's up"

Why it kills attraction: You're following her lead instead of being the one who creates energy and excitement in the interaction.

The fix: Don't match her low energy - elevate it. If she sends a boring message, respond with something more engaging that gives her something to work with.

The Right Texting Mindset

Here's the mindset shift that changes everything: Texting should create anticipation for meeting in person, not replace it.

Your goals when texting should be:

1. Show personality without revealing everything
2. Create positive emotions through humor, intrigue, or shared interests
3. Build comfort without building too much familiarity
4. Move toward meeting up as quickly as possible

The Attraction-Building Text Formula

Instead of boring questions, use this formula:

Statement + Assumption + Question

Bad: "How was your weekend?"

Good: "You look like someone who spent their weekend doing something adventurous. Did you finally try that rock climbing gym you mentioned?"

This shows you pay attention, makes an interesting assumption, and gives her something engaging to respond to.

Platform-Specific Texting Guidelines

Dating Apps (Tinder, Hinge, Bumble)

• Keep initial messages short and engaging
• Reference something from her profile
• Move to phone number within 3-5 exchanges

Phone Numbers

• More personal tone is acceptable
• Can have slightly longer conversations
• Still push for dates quickly

Social Media (Instagram, Snapchat)

• Keep it casual and fun
• Use visual elements (photos, stories)
• Don't slide into DMs with pickup lines

When Texting Actually Enhances Attraction

Good times to text:

• Making specific plans
• Sharing something genuinely funny or interesting
• Following up after a great date
• Building anticipation for upcoming plans

Texts that build attraction:

• "Just saw [something relevant to your conversation] and thought of you"
• "Hope your presentation went well today!"
• "Can't wait to try that restaurant you recommended"

The Recovery Plan

If you've been making these mistakes, here's how to recover:

1. Stop the bad behavior immediately
2. Pull back and give her space
3. Wait for her to reach out to you
4. When she does, use proper texting techniques
5. Ask for a date quickly

Don't try to "explain" your previous behavior or apologize for it. Just start doing things right.

Red Flags in Her Responses

Signs she's losing attraction through text:

• One-word responses
• Taking much longer to respond than before
• Not asking questions back
• Seems disengaged or polite but distant
• Stops using emojis or playful language

When this happens: Pull back immediately. Stop texting and let her wonder where you went.

The Bottom Line

Most guys think good texting means being available, responsive, and sharing everything about themselves. This is exactly wrong.

Good texting means:

• Being engaging but not overwhelming
• Showing interest but not neediness
• Creating anticipation but not satisfaction
• Building toward meeting, not replacing it

"Women need to wonder about you & occasionally miss you in order for their attraction to grow & be maintained."

The biggest realization: Your phone is not a tool for building relationships - it's a tool for arranging them.

Stop trying to win her over through text and start using text to get her excited about meeting you in person. That's where real attraction is built.

Remember: if she's attracted to you, she wants to hear from you. If she's not, no amount of perfect texting will change that. But terrible texting can definitely kill attraction that was already there.

Text smart, not hard. Your dating success depends on it.